Wordnik.com: Prosie: Love Letters

Wordnik.com: Prosie: Love Letters http://www.wordnik.com/lists/prosie-love-letters.xml A consonant goes into a bar and sits down next to a <a href="/words/vowel">vowel</a>. "Hi!" he says. "Have you ever been here before?" "Of <a href="/words/cursive">cursive</a>," she replies. "I come here, like, all the time." He has never <a href="/words/metaphor">metaphor</a>, but he can tell from her accent (which is kind acute) that she is a Vowelly Girl. He looks her over. She's short and has a nice simile. *She sure is a cipher sore i's!* thinks the consonantal dude. He remains stationery, enveloped by her charm. *And what an uppercase!* His initial reaction is so pronounced, he doesn't know what to say. He is, at present, tense. "You've a lovely set of...teeth," he sputters. "Do you Crush with breast...I mean, do you brush with Crest?" "Gag me with a spoonerism! Your mind is in the <a href="/words/guttural">guttural</a>, fer sure." Admiring her figure of speech, he falls into a fantasy. He pictures a perfect wedding: They exchange wedding vowels. The minister says, "I now <a href="/words/pronoun">pronoun</a>s you man and wife." They kiss each other on the <a href="/words/ellipse">ellipse</a>s. "I love you, noun forever," he whispers. In a word, they are wed. The <a href="/words/conjugation">conjugation</a> is in tiers. He awakens from his daydream and proposes a dance. After a slight <a href="/words/parse">parse</a>, she declines. "Then would you like a beer? Alcohol the bartender--" "I bitter not," she says, falling silent. <a href="/words/Ferment">Ferment</a> there, she looks like she's going to bee(<a href="/words/sic">sic</a>). "Are you okay?" he asks. "I'm, like, under a lot of stress. I've got a yeast <a href="/words/inflection">inflection</a>." "I knew something was brewing." He calls the bartender. "Listen, bud, my beer is warm." The bartender takes the bottle and empties it into the sink. The <a href="/words/dude">dude</a> watches as his hops go down the drain. "Let's go outside," he says to her. "I'd like to have a word with you." Are you prepositioning me?" "I won't be indirect. You are the object of my <a href="/words/preposition">preposition</a>." "You're, like, *such* a boldfaced character!" she says, baring her <a href="/words/clause">clause</a>. "I see your point. But I'm font of you. C'mon, let's go." "Do I have to SPELL it out to you? You're not my <a href="/words/type">type</a>, so get off my case!" Reluctantly, he decides to letter B. "Now my evening lies in <a href="/words/runes">runes</a>," he laments. "I'm practically comma-tose." "You'll get over it. You're just going through a <a href="/words/phrase">phrase</a>," she says. "That's one way to express it," he says, suppressing an <a href="/words/expletive">expletive</a>. He leaves, hoping to have letter luck next time. --Gary Roma; from "SPELL/Binder" Sep/Oct 1995, p.8 (for a considerably expanded, updated version click here) http://www.wordnik.com vowel http://www.wordnik.com/words/vowel Tue, 22 May 2007 13:41:18 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/vowel cursive http://www.wordnik.com/words/cursive Tue, 22 May 2007 13:41:16 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/cursive metaphor http://www.wordnik.com/words/metaphor Tue, 22 May 2007 13:41:13 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/metaphor guttural http://www.wordnik.com/words/guttural Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:58 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/guttural ellipse http://www.wordnik.com/words/ellipse Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:55 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/ellipse conjugation http://www.wordnik.com/words/conjugation Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:47 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/conjugation parse http://www.wordnik.com/words/parse Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:34 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/parse ferment http://www.wordnik.com/words/ferment Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:32 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/ferment sic http://www.wordnik.com/words/sic Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:29 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/sic inflection http://www.wordnik.com/words/inflection Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:21 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/inflection preposition http://www.wordnik.com/words/preposition Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:17 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/preposition clause http://www.wordnik.com/words/clause Tue, 22 May 2007 13:40:11 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/clause type http://www.wordnik.com/words/type Tue, 22 May 2007 13:39:42 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/type runes http://www.wordnik.com/words/runes Tue, 22 May 2007 13:39:40 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/runes phrase http://www.wordnik.com/words/phrase Tue, 22 May 2007 13:39:37 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/phrase expletive http://www.wordnik.com/words/expletive Tue, 22 May 2007 13:39:33 +0000 http://www.wordnik.com/words/expletive