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Using modern-day infomercial creativity, the zipper industry alerted people to problems they didn't know they had -- namely "gaposis," gaping holes between ill-fitting buttons and clasps that exposed drafts and prying eyes to the body underneath.
Most fashion designers only began to see the myriad of possibilities after after the zipper beat the button in the amusing "Battle of the Fly" in 1937 (I imagine an Iron Chef-like competition, though I could be wrong); Esquire magazine concluded the "new" zippered fly would end "the possibility of unintentional and embarrassing disarray," tapping into that somewhat imagined "gaposis" crisis of the '20s.
Beige is expertly pointing out that proper button placment is the key to eliminating gaposis, but wonders why she has been given an umbrella that looks to be as useful as an iron to a bachelor.
We'll just realize you may have gaposis, and deal with it.