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The rebbe had told my brother to tell me the following: no shiva, no period of mourning, no ripping of our garments "kriah", no knowledge of where the baby was going to be buried, no going to the site of the burial for myself or my wife - and the rebbe advised that we should not see the baby, we shouldn't find out its gender and not to find out what happened.
A few minutes before the funeral begins, the first formal act of mourning, kriah, the tearing of one’s garment or a ribbon, takes place.