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  • I was thinking the same thing, sionnach. I can't believe the bastard's still breathing.

    July 11, 2008

  • Just beware of roving luferlangs over the weekend. It's pretty clear that the luferlang has northern Irish origins of some kind.

    July 12th has been a traditional flashpoint in the North - it's the day when members of the Orange Order used to insist on marching through Catholic areas as they celebrated the victory of Protestant King Billy (William of Orange) over Catholic King James at the Battle of the Boyne in 1690.

    It would seem that the luferlang represents some kind of physical manifestation of the collective fear of the Catholic minority.

    All of which reminds me that, now that Jesse Helms has moved on, it must be about time for everyone's favorite intolerant, rabble-rousing, bible-thumping Northern Irish demagogue, Ian Paisley, to join him in the brimstone pits.

    July 11, 2008

  • I think I'll stay in bed on July 12 just to be sure.

    July 5, 2008

  • Thanks, nach, forewarned is forearmed. That's going in my Worst-Case Scenario backpack, which I keep next to my forearms.

    July 5, 2008

  • The luferlang is easy to identify by the tail in the middle of its back. It can run in either direction, and its bite is almost certain death.

    Accordingly, be cautious during the biting season, which usually occurs on July 12. Particularly avoid green clothing, which tends to arouse the creature further.

    Conversely, an orange-colored handkerchief conspicuously displayed will invariably afford full protection. Alternatively, keep in mind that the luferlang is terribly frightened of seeing itself. Carry a big mirror at all times, so that in the event of luferlang attack you can hold that mirror in front of you. This is most effective.

    July 5, 2008