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  • alarming new developments

    September 23, 2009

  • Aware that people are suffering in the economic crisis, 20 former pickpockets have turned over a new leaf and are now trawling London's tourist sites slipping money back into unsuspecting pockets.

    The ringleader of this new enterprise is believed to be a stooped, bearded, very old, gentleman known only by the street name of "Fagin". In a separate, possibly related, story authorities at Westminster Abbey have reported several recent instances of an audible rumbling noise, which seismic testing has shown to be localised to coordinates corresponding to the grave of one of its more illustrious dead, famed novelist Charles Dickens.

    August 25, 2009

  • More sinister examples of the eleemosynary impulse gone awry have also been reported. Scotland Yard is particularly interested in locating the shadowy figure they have dubbed the "barracuda", whose modus operandi is to drug and kidnap unsuspecting visitors from hotels in the city centre, and transport them to a warehouse which has been outfitted as a dentist's office, where they are subjected to multiple tooth implants before being returned to their hotels. According to a police spokesman:

    "Although the charitable impulse of this reverse tooth fairy might be considered admirable, the execution has often been problematic. In particular, the use of children's teeth to augment existing adult dentition has resulted in some victims waking up with far more than a regular complement of teeth, up to as many as 44 in extreme cases".

    Another worrying trend has been the increased number of reports of hotel guests waking up in a bathtub full of ice, with fresh incision scars, to find that they have been the recipients of a third kidney.

    August 24, 2009

  • Sounds like an altruistic version of shopdropping.

    August 24, 2009

  • "Visitors to London always have to be on the look out for pickpockets, but now there's another, more positive phenomenon on the loose - putpockets. Aware that people are suffering in the economic crisis, 20 former pickpockets have turned over a new leaf and are now trawling London's tourist sites slipping money back into unsuspecting pockets."

    - Reuters, 'Putpockets' to secretly slip cash into bags and pockets, theage.com.au, 24 August 2009.

    August 24, 2009