Over the weekend my spawn was asked to pick up a few things at the store, said spawn having recently received a driver's license. Spawn soon called me and said "Do I *have* to get toilet paper?! It's embarrassing!" Whereupon I began a tirade that ended with me shouting ever more absurdist ideas into the phone: "Oh really? Do you think everyone will stare at you? Do you think people will see you carrying a package of toilet paper and think 'Gee, that's odd, I would have thought that person doesn't actually use toilet paper'? Or 'Gee, that poor kid's mom must be really embarrassing'? Or 'What?! That person's too good-looking to ever have to dump!' "
Spawn laughed hysterically but still didn't buy it. Spawn is a shitnought.