Every morning when I wake up I find that some malicious wordie pranksters have covered those little interstitial spaces between my toeses with jam.
At first, these toejam pranks seemed harmless enough - just a consequence of the childlike exuberance that characterises so many wordie users. But the frequency of these attacks has been stepped up, and the pranksters have taken to using a particularly nasty generic brand of strawberry jam.
I have heard of other victims of toejam incidents througout the wordie premises. These worry me considerably because it seems inevitable that, sooner or later, the toejam bullies will yield to the inevitable and incorporate peanut butter into their scurrilous nocturnal guerrilla attacks. Given recent CDC estimates as high as 4.5% for the prevalence of severe peanut allergy in the general population, the potential for catastrophe seems high.
Don't be a victim. Prevention is a wonderful thing. Keep your toes locked up at all times. That's what shoes are for. You can even wear socks - usually known to us here at DA as toejam prophylactics - in bed.