Mensa Word List 2006

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Mensa Word List

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational for 2006, asking readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Winners are:

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
Glibido: All talk and no action
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

Also:

coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs
flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk
willy-nilly, adj. impotent
negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown
lymph, v. to walk with a lisp
gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash
flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller
balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline
testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam
rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
Pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist
oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms
Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there
circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts