For hot javelina-on-javelina action, just dial 1-900-COLDPIG ($3.98 for the first minute, $1.99 for each subsequent pig).
For only a fraction extra, to reach action by javelinas who have been fed only the most succulent acorns (bellotas) from the bosky environs of Salamanca, and who speak the most correct Thpanish on the peninsula, dial 1-900-�?BERICO
Not to be confused with long pig (eating one's fellow man, see soapy) or cold duck, which is apparently a beverage of some kind. Though I have yet to be asked on a United Airlines flight whether or not I have been ducked.
"To give cold pig is a punishment inflicted on sluggards who lie too long in bed: it consists in pulling off all the bed clothes from them, and throwing cold water upon them." - Francis Grose, 'The Vulgar Tongue'.