professor von schmartzenpanz love

professor von schmartzenpanz


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  • Noted chaordic theoretician (nee von Smarty Pants). In later life, advanced lame-ass theory of the non-existence of adjectives; arguing that an adjective is really an adverb modifying an implied verb of existence. The theory rested on some dumb-ass idea that the conventional distinction between "existence" and other "actions" is artificial and misleading; that all verbs are, in their purest state, expressions, like everything else, of pure energy.

    October 13, 2007

  • Thank you, npydyuan. I needed the reminder. :-)

    October 13, 2007

  • Oh. My. Gosh. This is my favorite page, like, ever.

    October 13, 2007

  • Chained_bear, click on npydyuan's chaordic reference below for more jocularity. :-)

    October 13, 2007

  • It would appear that the good Professor has a little of that Loki shapeshifter magic that we expect to see in all our academic superstars. As the designation "nee von Smarty Pants" clearly indicates, von Smarty Pants was female. However, it appears that the masculinity of Professor von Schmartzenpanz is unquestioned. Was the apparent sex-change coincident with the name-change?

    March 31, 2008

  • Au contraire, sionnach. I think that 'nee' in this case refers to the Professor's bachelor name. He was Schmartzenpanz enough to object to the millennia-old institutional objectification of women as sexual slave labor by changing his name to his wife's (Dr. von Schmartzenpanz happens to be the Dean of Faculty). ;)

    March 31, 2008

  • Sorry, c_b. I must respectfully differ. Regardless of the backstory, if nee was used to refer to the perfessor, than at that time the perfessor in question would have to have been female. Otherwise, the male form of the adjective, ne, would have been used.

    March 31, 2008

  • Yes, but supposing npydyuan made a typographical error (which I believe is what actually happened). If you check the chaordic page, which was created before this one, you'll see that the professor clearly is a male.

    Besides, we know the guy. He's all man, Clyde.

    March 31, 2008

  • Also, sionnach may be forgetting, or perhaps wasn't aware, that Professor von Schmartzenpanz has had sexual reassignment surgery. That's why the accent was missing over the E (née). It also kind of explains his exceedingly postmodern feminism.

    (*still trying*)

    March 31, 2008

  • I'm perfectly willing to believe that Prof von Schmartzenpanz's criticism is right there on the protean, spine-tinglingly transgressive cusp of post-feminist hermeneutic deconstructivist theory, but you guys really need to get the story straight (so to speak).

    Which is it - born and intrinsically hypermasculine, as reesetee would have us believe, or shapeshifting sexual reassignment surgery?

    Reesetee: I assume that last sentence in your most recent comment was really supposed to read:

    "We know the guy, and he's DeMan." Teehee!

    (OK: I'm going to run away and hide now)

    March 31, 2008