"The belief in vampire fruit is similar to the belief that any inanimate object left outside during the night of a full moon will become a vampire. According to tradition, watermelons or any kind of pumpkin kept more than ten days or after Christmas will become a vampire, rolling around on the ground and growling to pester the living. People have little fear of the vampire pumpkins and melons because of the creatures' lack of teeth. One of the main indications that a pumpkin or melon is about to undergo a vampiric transformation (or has just completed one) is said to be the appearance of a drop of blood on its skin."
Ha--I'm just working up some ideas for another mashup-style book in the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies vein. (You'll want to watch for the Steinkirk scene in "It's the Great Vampire Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!")
By all means mention soap operas, though I doubt Australia can claim world-leading awfullage (much as we try). Brazil? Syria? Nepal? Surely there's quality dross being hoisted on the airwaves in Burkina Faso?
I don't know about your expectations of Gibson. Wasn't it obvious from The Bounty that he couldn't act his way out of a paper bag?