parenthood

yarb I know ultra-defensive / militant childess people too, cb. But I can understand it, to an extent, because there are so many parents whose entire personality seems to be subsumed by parenthood, who can think and talk about nothing else, even to people who obviously aren't that interested. Much as I love being a parent, I think I can understand why people would decide against it.

For example, I haven't got out of bed after 9:00 for two and a half years now. Even on the nights the kids are away, at the in-laws. I'm incapable of it. God, I miss lie-ins. And free time! Getting moderately drunk on pink wine on Saturday afternoons. Okay I can still do that, but not as much. I'm not being flippant here; there are lots of things that I seriously miss. Jan 16, 2008

reesetee Well said, skipvia! One of my life maxims. :-)

C_b, you work with some characters. That's all I'll say about that. Jan 16, 2008

skipvia Well, you have to grow old, but you don't have to grow up. Jan 16, 2008

chained_bear I have a co-worker who's adamantly childless. I respect that decision--actually I don't care one way or another, I just don't think about it. (Why should I? We're at work!)

One day this co-worker and another childless co-worker began talking--in front of two co-workers who are parents, but not gushy types--in such a way that implied, if not outright stated, that the parent co-workers were stupid for giving up their free time, money, freedom, etc. etc. just to put up with some brats. "I mean, why bother?" was the general sense.

The whole thing started when one co-worker said "I don't want to have children. Does that make me selfish?" Parent co-worker 1 said "Absolutely not! It just means you know yourself, and if that's not what you want, then don't have it." Parent co-worker 2 said "No, it just means you don't want kids. What's the big deal?"

At which point Adamantly Childless Co-worker started in about how *parents* are really the selfish ones. If only they'd *teach* their children not to be brats--but they don't, they're such stupid people, those breeders. (A.C.C. did not use these actual terms, but she may as well have.) I found this a totally ironic direction for the conversation to turn in. Particularly since the two parent co-workers have delightful, well-behaved children. When she went so far that the parent co-workers were stunned into silence--this normally intelligent, funny lady--she finally said "Oh, not *your* kids. Your kids are nice."

Kids are what you make them. I never thought much of them when I was one--never liked being one, in fact--but as I get older, they seem to get more remarkable. Smarter, funnier, more interesting to talk to, and just generally fascinating to watch.

Only if they're well-behaved.

But then, this is true of many adults as well. Only if they're well-behaved.

What's my point? I dunno. It's kinda late. Jan 16, 2008

skipvia Yarb, the best thing about parenthood is that babies grow up quickly. The worst thing is that babies grow up quickly. Jan 15, 2008

yarb A friend asked me yesterday how I was getting on with my baby. He said he liked babies, except the shitting and the crying. But a little bit of shit never hurt anyone. Did it? The nonstop screaming isn't so nice, but you can always just look at him and think, well, you are very small.

That said, I prefer them once they start walking and talking. Jan 15, 2008

sonofgroucho Overall I agree parenthood is a great thing, if stressful at times.

I'm not sure what gave Larkin such a jaundiced view! Jan 15, 2008

yarb Being a parent is effing great. Larkin was a genius but that oft-quoted ditty is a typical charmless effort from his justly-maligned late period. Jan 14, 2008

sonofgroucho Some thoughts on parenthood:

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong." Charles Wadsworth.

"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own." Doug Larson.

And finally, from Philip Larkin:

This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Where do the views of any Wordie parents lie? Jan 14, 2008