almost Solveig

ruzuzu Anyone have a pyrophone I can borrow? May 23, 2012

ruzuzu If only the panda suit hadn't experienced shrinkage.... Feb 6, 2012

yarb *initiates wardrobe malfunction sequence* Feb 6, 2012

ruzuzu *accepts invitation to perform at Super Bowl halftime show* Feb 5, 2012

blafferty Mostly just reindeer. They take their upbrage shaken, not stirred. Jul 28, 2011

bilby Up with upbrage! Down with downbrage! Jul 27, 2011

ruzuzu Any signs of Santa? I hear he travels to Gibraltar occasionally. Jul 27, 2011

blafferty Whoops. My p is nowhere near my m - how did that happen?
Here in the frozen north we take upbrage because the umbrage freezes at too low a temperature. Jul 27, 2011

ruzuzu I'll take mine with two sugars, please. Jul 27, 2011

bilby What is this upbrage and how is it taken? Jul 27, 2011

blafferty *takes upbrage at no one stopping by to visit on their way to the pole*
*gets out shotgun* Jul 27, 2011

ruzuzu *figures shotgun must be on its way* Oct 14, 2010

ruzuzu *sends another text message to shotgun* Oct 14, 2010

ruzuzu *sends a text message to shotgun* Oct 14, 2010

ruzuzu *leaves message for shotgun on shotgun's answering machine* Oct 14, 2010

ruzuzu And a might be starting a zydeco band over on beetlestomper. May 14, 2010

ruzuzu Duuude. Bilby's starting a new band over on Shite Mega-Megahit.

Not sure whether he's auditioning for panda-suit wearers yet. May 7, 2010

ruzuzu Do you know "Little Brown Jug?" Key of G. Apr 29, 2010

plethora I'm a bottle blowing prodigy, if I do say so myself. Apr 29, 2010

ruzuzu Hi, plethora. Do you play any instruments? Apr 29, 2010

plethora *randomly drops by Wordnik to look something up*
*gets distracted reading backlog*
*loves this page*
*considers letting herself get addicted again on the strength of this conversation alone* Apr 29, 2010

reesetee *paints symbols on face* Feb 23, 2010

dontcry *polishes finger cymbals*
*calls "shotgun"* Feb 23, 2010

PossibleUnderscore *Packs caravan*

Who wants to drive? (No babies allowed, sorry.) Feb 23, 2010

hernesheir I have a collection of antique banjos...and can play them. Feb 23, 2010

bilby I had a red one but I ate it a few jokes ago. Feb 23, 2010

yarb I have a miniature one that my wife and I leave in charge of the kids when we go out for the night. Feb 23, 2010

ruzuzu *Checks bumper for bilby tat*

Does anyone have a sitar I could borrow?
Feb 23, 2010

bilby I think we're ready to embark on a new artistic direction. Are we going to rediscover our acoustic roots or dabble in Eastern mysticism? I have a dreamcatcher I never much liked that I could, you know, nail to our trailer or something. Feb 23, 2010

reesetee *scrapes melted plastic out of ice bucket*
*collapses in an exhausted heap against charred wall* Feb 23, 2010

dontcry Ouch!
*licks the walls*
*gets a papaya tat*
*thumbs to the Pole* Feb 23, 2010

PossibleUnderscore *Packs Panda suit up for good*
*sends it to the North Pole*
*Rejects the call from RSPCA* Feb 22, 2010

chained_bear *flings around vats of papaya*
*watches as the gloopy seeds sglop down the charred walls*
*eats cupcake*
*pokes dontcry's tat* Feb 22, 2010

reesetee *hides remaining dogs from bilby* Feb 22, 2010

bilby *eats dogs as food begins to run short on the way to the Pole* Feb 22, 2010

reesetee *eats remaining brown M&Ms* Feb 22, 2010

hernesheir I say we repair to Gray's Papaya on Broadway and 72nd, get some dogs, and rethink the mission. Feb 22, 2010

dontcry *gets yoko tat* Feb 22, 2010

ruzuzu *Unfairly blames Yoko Ono for yarb's departure.* Feb 21, 2010

yarb *quits due to creative differences* Feb 21, 2010

PossibleUnderscore *sigh* Feb 20, 2010

bilby I was only robbing the register. I hope you'll understand. Feb 20, 2010

ruzuzu *Issues statement to the press claiming that mold on the bathroom tiles in the hotel room caused band members to have hallucinations and that when bilby saw the hotel manager just now and was quoted as saying, "Duuude, wait, I thought we murdered you," his comment was taken completely out of context.* Feb 20, 2010

milosrdenstvi არაფერს! Feb 19, 2010

frogapplause Thanks, Milo. I feel better now. Feb 19, 2010

milosrdenstvi ფროგაპლოს, ბაყაყი... Feb 19, 2010

frogapplause At times like this, I'd like to be comforted in a language I don't understand. Feb 19, 2010

PossibleUnderscore *throws open the windows to let out the toxic fumes and clear the air*

*extinguishes theremin*

I think it's time to evacuate the hotel before the police arrive. Let's get moving! Feb 18, 2010

ruzuzu *manages to cry out, "For God's sake, don't set the theremin on fire! It's borrowed."* Feb 18, 2010

hernesheir Better move the chocolate-covered roaches - the blazin' theremin might melt them. Feb 18, 2010

ruzuzu *tries to crawl toward the door, but is overcome by toxic fumes.* Feb 18, 2010

hernesheir Hey, let's pretend we're Jimmy Hendrix and light the theremin on fire in the middle of the room. Uh, move over, ruzuzu, we've got a theremin to torch. Feb 18, 2010

sionnach Chocolate-covered roaches are indestructible. And deliciously crunchy to boot! Feb 18, 2010

bilby Do you think brown chocolate thingies survive thermonuclear war? Feb 18, 2010

reesetee *writes REDRUM on mirrors because walls are too charred* Feb 18, 2010

ruzuzu *wakes up, calls best friend/attorney, begins to notice new sionnach tat on other arm, passes out again* Feb 18, 2010

sionnach chained : *flings vats of brown M&Ms around*

My natural shyness (and a healthy fear of cocaine-addicted poodles) has prevented me from joining the cosmic disaster that continues to unfold on this page. However, c_b's veiled reference to the infamous Van Halen "no brown M&Ms" contract rider prompts me to share something I learned in my random reading this past week. In his most excellent little book "The Checklist Manifesto", the uber-talented Awul Gawande explains that the notorious rider was not actually a manifestation of spoiled rockstar caprice, but that it had in fact been inserted as a deliberate (and very important) quality control check. In his memoir Crazy from the Heat David Lee Roth explained that Van Halen had been the first band "to take huge productions into third-level markets", that they would pull up with nine 18-wheelers full of equipment into venues used to dealing with bands whose gear filled a couple of vans. The logistics of getting the elaborate stage sets in place, correctly, safely, and on time was enormously complex. Failure to follow the detailed safety checks set out in the contract could be potentially dangerous to the welfare of both the band and the fans. So the "no brown M&M" provision was just a clever way of making sure that the logistics team at the given venue had observed appropriate caution when setting up the stage arrangements.

I am a fount of random useless information of this kind. Go ahead. Just ask me.

But this page scares me. Feb 18, 2010

yarb *hacks pentagon* Feb 18, 2010

hernesheir Thermonuclear war is next. Feb 18, 2010

PossibleUnderscore Now you've done it!! It's gone from trashing a hotel to bloody murder. Whatever will be next? -Wait, don't answer that!

*sidles into corner to get away the chaos and destruction* Feb 18, 2010

hernesheir Did anyone write "Helter Skelter" on the walls yet, or "REDRUM" on the mirrors? Its mandatory when trashing a room, dontcha know. Feb 18, 2010

bilby Great idea!
*invites hotel manager up to room, reduces him to pulp with a blistering ruzuzu theremin solo and tips him down the drain* Feb 18, 2010

PossibleUnderscore Don't you guys feel bad about doing this? Have you no conscience at all? I mean, we can be sued for all this and that's our professional career down the drain (if you haven't clogged that already)! Feb 18, 2010

ruzuzu *passes out, wakes up, begins to notice new dontcry tat on arm, passes out again* Feb 18, 2010

bilby *stuffs Keith Moon full of cherry bombs and blows him up* Feb 18, 2010

reesetee *avoids minibar and closet* Feb 18, 2010

yarb *takes dump in minibar* Feb 18, 2010

reesetee *ties knotted dry cleaning bag to ceiling fan, sets it on fire, and watches residue drip into ice bucket on floor* Feb 18, 2010

yarb *micturates in closet* Feb 18, 2010

Prolagus *gently steps on bathroom mat with shoes on* Feb 18, 2010

reesetee *sets wallpaper on fire* Feb 18, 2010

Prolagus *opens whiskey bottle, drinks whiskey, fills bottle with tea, puts it back in the fridge* Feb 17, 2010

chained_bear *flings vats of brown M&Ms around* Feb 17, 2010

bilby It's about time we trashed a hotel room. Feb 17, 2010

dontcry *rim shot* Feb 15, 2010

Prolagus "The Week in Wordnik" has rarely been so interesting. Feb 15, 2010

PossibleUnderscore Would our fans from the middle aisle please come back inside. Feb 14, 2010

dontcry *gets styoo-pid tat* Feb 13, 2010

bilby Would the journalists in the front row please stop throwing things. Feb 13, 2010

ruzuzu Oh! Our first bad review. Now we're a real band! Feb 13, 2010

bilby That's almost impressive. I might almost get one too. Feb 13, 2010

dontcry *almost gets a solveig tat* Feb 13, 2010

reesetee Where's this bridge you were going on about a while back?

*sells cupcake t-shirts* Feb 11, 2010

Prolagus Can I join the band? I don't play any instrument, but I'm a great player of Theremin Hero. Feb 10, 2010

bilby Your wish, my command, etc. Feb 10, 2010

ruzuzu Brackets around almost almost Solveig, please. ;-) Feb 10, 2010

bilby Yeah, but almost Solviega then parses as almost almost Solveig. Feb 10, 2010

ruzuzu What? "Solveiga" is still almost Solveig. Feb 10, 2010

bilby So this entire thread should have been almost Solveiga? No wonder we can't get a gig.

It's beard, sunglasses and the Zuzu Top tribute band for you, Strummenbum. Feb 10, 2010

lea Solveig is a very dear friend of mine. Be nice to her. Feb 10, 2010

milosrdenstvi *passes out thread*
*passes out* Feb 10, 2010

PossibleUnderscore *washes Panda suit*
*glares at it as it shrinks* Feb 9, 2010

dontcry *gets reunion tour tat*
*sets up drums*
*passes out* Feb 9, 2010

bilby *dials record label*

"We're working a single called 'Flaming Cupcake Stomp'. It's gonna be iced with awesome, lemme tell ya!
Yep, for the reunion tour. The Almost Solveig Almost Reunion Tour.
Yep, she was going solo but she broke up with herself. Irreconcilable musical differences, that sort of thing.
Yep yep yep."
Feb 9, 2010

ruzuzu You know, I've spent a long time thinking I should go solo. This is the last straw!

*stomps off*

*stomps back for flaming cupcake*

*waits for awesome record deals*

*still waiting*

*is offered spot on reality show*

*accepts, hoping to restart career*

*eventually goes on Behind the Music and admits that "those days with Almost Solveig were some of the best... I mean, I fought bilby as a manager, but..."*

*has people call bilby's people to schedule reunion tour*


Feb 9, 2010

bilby Hang on, that wouldn't be helpful to the future of the band. Cancel that. Feb 9, 2010

bilby if It 's sURgical thr-ead I coul'd seW ruzuzu"s cheekie co_m-Me_n-t append:age shuT. Feb 9, 2010

ruzuzu If you have to ask, you'll never know. Feb 9, 2010

milosrdenstvi Look over here, guys! Bilby found some thread. Neither of us have any idea what it's here for... Feb 9, 2010

bilby What's this thread about, by the way? Feb 9, 2010

reesetee *generously tips panda for its troubles* Feb 9, 2010

PossibleUnderscore *creeps out of the Panda suit and slinks away* Feb 9, 2010

gangerh *jests* Feb 9, 2010

dontcry *finishes drum solo*
*sets drums on fire*
*gets a cupcake tat* Feb 9, 2010

oroboros *applauds ecstatically from the mosh pit* Feb 8, 2010

chained_bear *eats cupcakes* Feb 8, 2010

ruzuzu *figures the tune must be on its way* Feb 7, 2010

ruzuzu *sends another text message to the tune* Feb 7, 2010

ruzuzu *sends a text message to the tune* Feb 7, 2010

ruzuzu *leaves a message for the tune on the tune's answering machine* Feb 7, 2010

dontcry *breaks into frenzied drum solo* Feb 6, 2010

milosrdenstvi *calls the tune* Feb 6, 2010

reesetee A dollar? That's a steal!

*pays the panda* Feb 6, 2010

PossibleUnderscore Sorry, I'll get back into the suit. But I must warn you, I charge a dollar an hour. (Call me cheap, I don't care ;-) ) Feb 6, 2010

reesetee *sigh*

Okay, I'll play at the bridge. I hope it's just a footbridge...I have a bit of acrophobia.

Where'd that panda go? He was supposed to hold my sheet music. Feb 6, 2010

dontcry *runs off to get Ibsen tat* Feb 5, 2010

sionnach Does this have anything to do with Grieg, or Ibsen? Or surstromming? Feb 5, 2010

bilby *pays PU* Sure, good job.

I'm twice the man lby will ever be! Feb 5, 2010

PossibleUnderscore Can I get out of the Panda suit and put c_b down now? Feb 5, 2010

ruzuzu That's because you're a bilby, not a trilby. Feb 5, 2010

bilby OMG, did you see that?! Someone dressed in a panda suit, balancing a chained bear on his nose, rode past on a steampunk unicycle while reciting rare and (deservedly) under-rated verses by Rimbaud! Just in time to distract you all from my obvious lack of snappy comeback! Feb 5, 2010

yarb Not manager, svengali.

Bilby, is that a didgeridoo in your pocket? Feb 5, 2010

PossibleUnderscore How about a duet with the finches at a bridge Reese Tee?
And I vote bilby manager. Feb 5, 2010

bilby I can hang around in a painfully distracted manner, burning cigarette hanging off my lip as if it were stuck there with builders' bog, looking as thin-hipped as an African famine victim and as crisply bitter about the evils of the music industry as deep-fried catshit. Feb 5, 2010

yarb I would give everything I have to see dontcry's inner Tommy Lee issuing forth! Feb 5, 2010

dontcry Oooooh.... can I play the drums? My inner Tommy Lee has been dying to come out!! Feb 5, 2010

yarb Since when have you needed permission for that?

Go on, get yer jingly 'at on. Feb 5, 2010

gangerh Please can I play the fool? Feb 5, 2010

reesetee Do I have to play the clarinet? My finches are so much better at it. Feb 4, 2010

yarb I was disappointed when I heard Mahler's VIth live recently that the famous cowbell part was played by a human, and not by a herd of cows. Not very Mahlerian in my opinion.

And the human wasn't even wearing the cowbells, instead they were on a rack in front of him. I should have asked for my money back. Feb 4, 2010

hernesheir The theorbo always goes good with more cowbell. Feb 4, 2010

PossibleUnderscore Can I play the zither? Feb 4, 2010

hernesheir Great yarb - more cowbell is always appreciated. Feb 4, 2010

john Who's going to conduct? I'll insulate. Feb 4, 2010

yarb Funny how the theremin never really made it as a mainstream instrument. Feb 4, 2010

ruzuzu My autoharp is in the shop, but I'd be happy to play the theremin.

Edit: Does anyone have a theremin I could borrow? Feb 4, 2010

yarb What are you going to play? Or are you going to be the svengali?

I'll play cowbells. Feb 4, 2010

ruzuzu Wanna be in my band? I'm just looking for a drummer, a singer, a guitar player, a bass player, and a piano player. (I'm thinking of asking reesetee to play clarinet). Feb 4, 2010

yarb Yes! All three are excellent. That's my kinda music! Feb 4, 2010

ruzuzu The Crumb Bums? Feb 4, 2010

ruzuzu The Yarb Birds? Feb 4, 2010

ruzuzu Would The Sour Plums be a better name? Feb 4, 2010

yarb A band called "Almost Solveig" can play either ineffectual indie-guitar music, or jazz. Nothing else. Feb 4, 2010

ruzuzu If I ever start a band, this is what I'll call it. Feb 4, 2010